Coexisting with another human being is not an easy thing. A relationship consists of two (usually two) persons with very different backgrounds. We have our own knowledge, opinions, and experiences. We talk, think, and act in a certain way influenced by the things we have done and learned, and we expect those closest to us to automatically understand. Most of the time, however, they are thinking “who the bleep is this alien, and what did I get my-bleeping-self into?” There is an awful lot of bleeping in most relationships.
There is often confusion and misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter the type or duration of a partnership; at some point, often many points, someone is speaking Klingon. We get immersed in our own routines and forget to connect with the ones we love but insist that the other person is the one who is disconnected. We fume silently as we are ignored and our efforts marginalized, while also ignoring and marginalizing, even taking for granted.
SO KNOCK THAT CRAP OFF!
It’s time to change the status quo. The best way to do that is by directing your partner’s attention to the amazing, incredible things you do. Yes, you heard me. The answer is to point fingers at everyone else’s shortcomings while vigorously ignoring your own.
Tell your spouse, or significant other, how lucky they are. If they are distracted by everyday tasks and social clutter, they might be inadvertently taking you for granted. Rather than stew quietly and be unappreciated, take the initiative and throw your awesomeness into their faces on a regular basis. Seriously…grab them by the trachea and plunge their head into the metaphorical relationship toilet, submerging them in the sludge that composes your feelings, and your thoughts, and your endless selfless actions. Or lead them gently by the hand into the metaphorical relationship rose garden…your choice.
With the ooze still running down their face, implore them to recognize your sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. Things like frequently sharing your advice and opinions, even when they aren’t requested. That stuff is gold! You probably should be selling it! Every time they are speaking you are concentrating on your reply and the wisdom you can impart. They do not understand the patience required to let them finish talking before you start spewing golden nuggets all over their problems. Anyone can listen attentively and empathetically, but a true partner provides judgment, critique, and solutions!
It’s also a good idea to point out their weaknesses and shortcomings. People are often insecure in certain areas of their lives due to things they feel they lack or are sub-par at. By putting the spotlight on those areas, you can effectively dispel any uncertainty they may have. They will know exactly where they suck.
Here’s a scenario:
Your wife (It could be your husband, boyfriend, partner, pet…whatever. We aren’t bigots here.) has just watched you take the first bite of a meal she painstakingly prepared. She wants your honest opinion. Do you look at the ground and mutter, “Well…this is pretty good, hon.” Sure you do, if you’re a spineless little weasel! A master at the art of co-existing would sweep everything off the table onto the floor screaming, “Are you insane? This isn’t fit for a dog to eat!” If you then survive the night without being clubbed to death with a sack of batteries, rest assured that the menu will improve.
Now, as you sit there nodding your head saying, “Yes! I will implement these brilliant suggestions in my relationship immediately!”, I am reaching through the screen to punch you in the spleen. You deserve to be alone because you do not understand the subtle intricacies of a personal relationship…nor of humor writing for that matter. The single best way to improve any relationship is to improve yourself. If you feel that someone in your life needs to change, in any way, it is probably time to take a long hard look in the mirror. Go do it now. This is not a theoretical exercise.