It is important to think before you speak. We often say things that we later regret. Hurtful, insensitive words launch themselves into our conversations from our fabulously flapping gums. It can be an angry response, an attempt to be funny, or just blatant disregard for another person’s feelings. Damaging words, once spoken, are impossible to take back. They will never be forgotten by the offended party and often fester in the mind.
It is beneficial to pause a moment prior to speaking and frame our replies. We can briefly review what we intend to say, taking into account the person we are addressing. It is better to say nothing at all than to damage another person’s self-image.
Imagine, if you will, conversing with someone that you hold dear. In the course of the exchange, this person states that they would like to write a book. You helpfully point out that less than 3% who say they want to write a book actually follow through. You have inadvertently dashed their most precious dream to pieces upon the ground. They trusted you enough to share a very personal desire, and you repaid them with thoughtless, hurtful words. Nice job.
We rarely consider the power of words, especially to those that we may have influence with. Friends, children, partners, and employees may look to you for guidance and encouragement. It only takes one hurtful comment or angry rebuke to erode the trust that has been built. By thinking about what we are saying, constructive criticism can be presented as a positive learning experience. It is our responsibility to maintain mutual respect in our relationships. This starts with being conscious of the things we say.
Three Traps To Avoid
There are several traps that we can fall into when conversing with another human. The first is assumption. If we assume we know what another person is going to say, it is human nature to stop listening and form our reply. The problem with this is that our assumptions are often based on our own knowledge and experiences. We may miss the actual meaning they are trying to convey when we apply our own. This leads to dissatisfying communication and misunderstanding.
Another frequent trap we need to avoid is talking more than we listen. Sometimes we are so enamored with the ideas bouncing around in our head that we monopolize a conversation. We steamroll over the other participants with nary the edgewise word allowed. No matter how intelligent or eloquent your words may be, they will not be heard if you fail to allow the other party to respond and participate. They will be too busy resenting you to digest your monologue.
The third trap, and possibly the greatest, is allowing the emotion of a situation to dictate our response. Strong emotions, especially anger, are terrible for planting the proper words in our mind. We tend to blurt the most hurtful, damaging utterances possible if we feel threatened. We say things we don’t mean as a defense mechanism when we have been slighted, maligned, or provoked.
Ultimately, it comes back to the Golden Rule; ask yourself “how would I feel if someone said these words to me?” If we try and see things from the other person’s perspective, taking into consideration their current state and experiences, we can temper our speech to have the proper impact. Sometimes things have to be conveyed that are not positive, but it can be done with integrity. Being responsible for the things that we say, every time we speak, will help us to have and maintain mature, productive relationships.